


I’m breathing so I guess I’m still alive.

by guiltyandcheap



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Sam, Dark, Dean hates Sam, Dom Dean, Gun Kink, Gunplay, Incest, M/M, Mental Illness, Mentions of Blood, Object Insertion, Rough Sex, Slight Smut, Sub Sam, Top Dean, Under-negotiated Kink, Unrequited Wincest, Verbal Abuse, Violent Sex, Weecest, Wincest - Freeform, mutual obsession, phycological abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:54:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26904685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guiltyandcheap/pseuds/guiltyandcheap
Summary: Sam is a sick and twisted kid. A childhood of abuse does that to some people.READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. This may be triggering to some people, so check the tags.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	I’m breathing so I guess I’m still alive.

**Author's Note:**

> I always appreciate feedback <3

Sam smiles as his face smacks into the wall. He’s been waiting for this all day.

A shakey hand guides the metal tip of a gun down his spine, pressing in roughly. It’s so perfect- so painful and degrading. It makes his skin vibrate.

He starts to feel the lack of confidence in Dean’s hands, and he’s not satisfied with that. 

“Dean,” Sam groans, annoyed that no matter how many times they do this- Dean always is apprehensive about it.

“S-sorry, Sammy,” Dean stutters. He hates this. He hates hurting Sam. He knows its what the boy needs, hell, he’s heard Sam fucking beg for it, but it still goes against all his instincts. But he knows if he doesn’t give this to Sam- he’ll find it somewhere else.

Sam huffs at Dean’s apology. He doesn’t want a fucking apology, he wants to be brutalized. Dean drags the gun harder down Sam’s back, his hand more sure this time.

He can play this part if that’s what it takes to keep Sam sane. He just doesn’t know when he let the boy get this sick.

Dean raises the gun to Sam’s head. 

“Get on your fucking knees, bitch.”

Sam whines, finally getting the rough treatment he wanted as Dean spins him around and shoves him onto his knees hard enough the leave bruises.

The tip of the gun presses hard into Sam’s skull, and he leans into it. 

A smack lands across his face, hard.

“Don’t fucking move, or I’ll blow your pretty brains out.”

Dean looks down at Sam. He can’t recognize him.

He presses the gun harder against Sam’s head and listens to him whimper.

...

Sam’s a good kid, he seems normal enough. Nobody would guess that after school, he gets on his knees for his big brother and begs to be torn apart.

Sam’s breath is coming out in huffs, breathing heavy in anticipation. He needs this so bad. He hates it. 

He looks up at Dean and can tell that he hates it just as much.

But Sam doesn’t care, as long as Dean makes him bleed tonight.

Dean thinks Sam is disgusting. He fucking hates everything about him. He hates Sam.

He hates the way that Sam needs this. He hates the way that Sam admires the bruises and scars on his own body as if they’re accomplishments. He hates the waythat Sam’s hole clenches around the barrel of his gun when Dean fucks him with it.

Sam always tries to bear down on the gun, to force it deeper inside. He hurts himself, trying desperately to get it just a little further. Dean knows what Sam’s trying to do.

Sam’s trying to bruise himself from the inside. Punish himself for never being the right person.

Dean hates this, and he hates Sam. But he does this because he loves Sam. At least thats what he tells himself.

But truthfully, I don’t think either of them would call it love and believe it. It’s obsession in its purest form. 

It’s begging your own brother to kill you because you love him too much to breathe without his hands around your throat.

Dean wants to puke because he knows the look on Sam’s face.

Sam sees God in Dean’s eyes- 

and if Dean can’t reciprocate that soulcrushing obsesssion- then so fucking help him, he’ll make damn sure that Dean at least sees the devil. 

The voice in Sam’s twisted head won’t shut the fuck up- I can’t pretend to understand, I can only try to get him to push it deeper and flirt with the trigger.

Dean wants to fix him, he wants to piece Sam back together into something that resembles normal, but he can’t. He’s tried. God damn it, he’s tried, but the more he’s tried- the more it hasn’t been enough.

Sam’s pained scream-moans haven’t stopped ringing out in this room since the whole ordeal started. Dean just grips the gun tighter.

Sam knows how evil it is that he makes Dean go through this. He doesn’t care. He’s sick, and he needs to bleed for it.

Sam looks back at Dean and Dean almost breaks down. 

The look in Sam’s eyes says,”I know you’re fucking terrified of how far im willing to take this.” He’s right. Dean presses the gun in harder and listens to the yelp that follows.

He can’t keep doing this.


End file.
